I'M WITH YOU...IN SPIRIT

I don't like feeling like a slacker.  I attended a Community Skills Fair on Saturday where amazing people are doing amazing things to address the sorry state of the Union as pertains to using up all of our natural resources, polluting our environment, concentrating most of our money with the fewest of our citizens, and selfishly consuming far beyond our means, or fairness, compared to the rest of the world.  It was sort of a bummer, but also hopeful because there are smart and creative folks doing what they can to address all of these woes.

I am a philosophical supporter of those who are working to improve our lot and I vote religiously for those who are trying to effect change from within, but lately I've not been very vocal, visible, or "activist".  By not very, let's say, really not at all.

So on Saturday, listening to keynote speaker David Korten (Yes! Magazine and books you can find on Amazon), touring the booths, and sitting in on workshops, I met up with a number of people I hadn't seen in years.  Sue, who I knew well when I was VP of the local National Organization for Women; Jim, who's living room hosted our monthly Physician's for Social Responsibility anti-nuclear weapons meetings; Jim and Sue who were tireless protestors with me, when I was chairperson of the group that petitioned for a citizen's advisory vote concerning building a Navy base in our town (and with it an aircraft carrier, powered by a nuclear reactor and chock full of nuclear weapons docked 1/2 mile from our neighborhood); even a couple of teachers who I knew from my many years trying to improve public education by serving as a parent representative on numerous school district committees.  I didn't see anyone from my 10 years working in the foster care system...but they were probably working themselves on Saturday since that is a 24/7 job oftentimes.

It was great to see everyone still doing the good work of earnest and focused activism.  And I felt a little guilty.  And I felt the stirrings of a little Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  In 1973 I started working for the Equal Rights Amendment, my first foray into activism.  Since then, until about 18 months ago, I've been in leadership roles for a variety of "causes" and realized on Saturday that NOT doing that right now feels pretty damn good.  When I thought of some of my most activist years, I felt the familiar "doom and gloom" overwhelmed-ness and stress of trying so damn hard to change a sometimes unchangeable system doomed to recycle it's mistakes in a one step forward, two back pattern of discouragement.

Since I retired from social services in 2010 I've devoted myself to facilitating personal growth groups, leading dance movement experiences, writing and performing poetry, dabbling in collage art, attending to long-neglected household projects, traveling a bit, meditating, practicing Yoga, sleeping the whole night through, reading a book in the middle of the day, playing with my "grand", meeting friends for coffee....feeling like my life has meaning in many small and important ways that constantly surprise me.  I have time to think, breathe, be....not rushing, stressing, being overwhelmed, frustrated, and angry.

Is this selfish?  Gosh, I hope not.   What I hope, and some of my friends will read this as a "cop out", I'm sure, is that the slower pace of my life, the avenue I'm taking to help people grow in self-knowledge and self-care, will contribute to supporting in some way those who are called to  the front lines of activism.  Perhaps I can be an example of moderation, respite, and renewal.  I believe there are "seasons" of life and my "activist season" lasted for over 35 years.  I may not be finished yet; I may again join those on the picket line or in the Senate hearing room, but for now I am in the "season" of creative rest and renewal.  And I think that, too, is one way we can save ourselves.

At least, that's the view from here...©