MY DAY WITH AMMA, PART 2

For seven hours we'd been in the arena where Amma, the "hugging saint", was appearing when our group was called to line up for seating in the "Dharma Line".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dharma  A volunteer checked our ticket (Group X) to ensure we weren't cutting in ahead of others.  She asked if we wanted to be hugged separately or together -- we did notice some couples and even families all got one big hug.  We debated this, thinking it could be a nice shared experience, but in the end I wanted my own hug -- both arms around just me.  I need all the help I can get!

We then were asked to sit in a line of two adjacent folding chairs along a center aisle, moving up to the next set of chairs in front of us for about 15 rows, as they were vacated by the folks ahead. Eventually we reached a little "holding area" with chairs in a circle just at the edge of the stage.  We were asked to remove our shoes and stow our backpack in a big blue plastic tub.  I could feel my heart start to pound with nervous excitement.  We were so close now and I wondered if indeed, I'd get the "bliss blast", if I'd collapse from the Amma energy field surrounding me, if somehow all would be revealed in just one hug from this amazing woman.

Everything seemed to speed up at this point.  We moved rapidly around the circle and soon it was my turn to ascend the stairs to the stage.  There were still about 4 more chairs to advance from there to Amma's arms.  The stage was jammed with people.  There were rows of folding chairs arranged on either side of Amma's perch, facing her.  People who'd already had their hug were invited to sit here for a time, soaking in the proximity to her, until they had to move off the stage to make room for the next people ascending.   The stage was also crowded with volunteers and attendants to Amma, all directing traffic and crowding around her, helping move people through the hug moment.

I got to the first chair, then was asked to kneel about three people back from my turn.  I got down on my knees (thank you yoga practice!) and felt hands on my back inching me forward as those in front of me got their hug and moved on.  It was very crowded and I felt like I was being pushed into the back of the person in front of me -- similar to getting into a rock concert where there is only general seating.


Then I was being pushed forward with a hand on the back of my head directing me firmly into Amma's bosom.  But not before I caught a glimpse of her white robes, stained at the shoulder with what I took to be smeared makeup, sweat, and general human facial debris left behind by those in groups A-W.  The thought that I should hold my breath flitted through my mind.

I felt Amma's arms enfold me around my shoulders and mine wrap around her at the waist.  She feels
like a mother should -- all soft and round, with a hug that is simultaneously firm and gentle.  And she smelled amazing -- a mixture of sweet and savory -- flowers and spice.

I tried to tune everything else out -- Hub behind me, the crowd of attendants, the other devotees, and

knowing my image was now projected on the big screens for the crowd to see.  I just wanted to be in  the moment.  She bent her head to my ear and whispered a Sanskrit phrase over and over, maybe ten times.  I wish I could remember it.  I know a bit of Sanskrit and I know one of the words or syllables

was "ma" or "mama", but there was another shorter consonant-vowel sound in between the repetition of "ma" that I just didn't get.  So, likely I missed the spoken wisdom, at least in a form I could understand.

And just like that, it was over.  The hug was maybe 30 seconds long.  At the end Amma handed me the traditional "sweet" and a flower petal.  Attendants sort of yanked me to my feet and turned me toward the stage seating area where I could sit and bask in the glory of the moment until it was time for me to depart from close proximity to Amma and return to the masses.

Once off the stage, Hub and I left the arena right away.  We both agreed that she is a good hugger.  We also both agreed that we didn't feel the "bliss blast", nor were we anywhere near collapsing from an overwhelming energy force.  We popped our "sweet" (a Hershey's Kiss) into our mouths and identified the tiny flower petal as having come from red geraniums.  We also agreed we were glad we came; glad we were among the millions who have flocked to Amma, as part of the spiritual phenomenon that has sprung up around her.

What sticks with me?

1.  I am deficient in the "guru worship" gene.  I think some people truly believe they find a guru who speaks to them and inspires them in a way that I have yet to experience with anyone.  So, maybe I'm missing out.  Or maybe I have a heightened degree of discernment.  I have held many people in high esteem, as teachers and role models, and most have disappointed me in some way if I put them on too high a pedestal.  I have then had to get over my disillusionment and realize that human foibles affect us all.  I gratefully take their teachings, often with humility, awe, and great respect, but I leave the over-all "guru worship" that is sure to disappoint.

2.  I realize I may not have gotten the full Amma experience.  Other friends of mine went to her Devi Bhava evening sessions.  At these there is a ritual for world peace and Amma provides mantras -- Sanskrit prayers for meditation.  She hugs all night long -- starting around 9:00 p.m. and going until the wee hours of 3-4 a.m.  I think the very nature of being up all night might heighten the altered-reality experience a bit.

3.  I most remember "the hug" as the one I gave Amma.  Yes, her arms were around me, but what is most prominently grooved into my mind is the feeling of my arms around her.  I can still conjure up how good it felt to hug her, to smell her, to hear the soft and strong sound of her voice in my ear.  I felt we were exchanging energy.  It was not a one-way hug for me.  I was not only "receiving"; I was "giving".  I've not heard anyone talk about this.  It's always "Getting a hug from Amma"-- an uneven exchange of energy.

4.  I came away thinking, "Well, that was nice, but not life-changing".   And yet...coincidence or the result of the energy field, I don't know, but for a few weeks (beginning before the hug and continuing since), I have felt a shift in my perspective.  Generally quick to judge, easily frustrated by people who "bug" me, I've become more accepting, less critical.  Whenever I see someone being weird, or jerky, I just say, "Well, I don't know their story."  If I am interacting with someone who is difficult, I maintain my own equilibrium and just keep breathing through it, detached and interested in the dynamic more than the outcome.  Whenever I feel my anxieties try to take over with "what if" thinking, I stop myself more quickly and just notice this is happening.  My fear seems to subside faster, my mindfulness practice seems easier, my mantra has become "Just Live!"  I appreciate the moments, the emotions, the sensual nature of life with more presence.

I don't completely credit my Amma hug with these shifts in awareness.  I have been on a spiritual and personal growth journey for most of my adult life.  The Amma hug was one among many profound experiences along the way.  I think self-awareness, growth toward spiritual attunement, and finding and enfolding ourselves in loving community to the benefit of all are why humans are here, what we are meant to be doing to further Creation.  Amma was a step on the path.

Still, I admire Amma.  I think she is truly a saint of humanitarian dedication, building an empire of good works in the world and all gratitude goes to her for the many lives she has touched with her vision and example.

But I think the bliss blast at Amma events is generated by a few hundred people gathered under one roof, in a loving state of mind -- projecting all of their own love energy onto a woman named Amma, perhaps not realizing this same bounty of love is within each of us all the time.  We are all hugging saints.

At least, that's the view from here... ©